There are so many points I will be touching on through my blogging days to come, but today I want to touch on the topic of Modesty; When and Where?
There is an excerpt in the book where a man writes in and says to Dr. Laura that he thinks women have it backward. He goes on to say that he saw more skin while he was dating than he has since he's been married, and he was a virgin when he got married! His wife dressed nice but sexy. Now she wears frumpy sweatshirts and never anything revealing, even to bed. She has also cut out all intimacy due to being "too tired". He makes the point that a lot of women nowadays dress sexy while dating, but once that ring goes on her finger, she's wearing ponytails in her greasy hair and sweats with stains on them. Never puts on make up or perfume, and doesn't care to show her husband that she can still be feminine.
I completely agree with this man!! I am guilty of this. I can come up with a million excuses as to why I do this. But the reality is, what does it take out of you, really, to take 20 minutes before your husband gets home from work to fancy yourself up a bit? It doesn't take much at all. If you were going out to a friend's house, or to a movie, or dinner, you would doll up. So why not show him that same courtesy and let him see the nicer side of you? When you were dating, you more than likely made sure to have a shower before every date. You fixed your hair, did your make up and made sure your outfit was extra nice and special. You cared about impressing him. All too often women fall into the belief that once they "have him", they don't have to try anymore. He should just love you now. You can relax and let yourself go...and he should still be attracted to you anyway. I have thought this exact same thing! Oh boy how wrong we women are! If your husband gained an excessive amount of weight, stopped bathing, stopped cutting his toenails all together, started wearing nothing but sweat pants and stained shirts, you would be appalled. He would no longer be your sexy man, he'd be the guy you made fun of as a kid.
Why is it that so many women believe they are not to be held to the same standards they hold their men to? We scream equality, but then we don't live up to our side of that. What we really mean is this... that men should treat us as their equal without any effort from us to actually be their equal. We want them to put us on a pedestal while we look down at them and whine about how they don't treat us as equals. In order to be equal, you must live by the Golden Rule, (so many have forgotten this one), 'Treat Others as You'd Have Others Treat You'. If you expect something of him, you must also give that in return. So ladies, if you want him to look nice for you, you need to give the same effort. If you expect him to go to work for you, you keep up your end of the bargain and do your job at home. If you want him to be attentive and caring, you must be attentive and caring as well.
Back to the modesty issue. The man also asks, "Why is it women do not understand that you need to be modest before marriage, not after". Before marriage, you need to show others that you respect yourself by covering up and keeping certain parts of yourself private. After marriage, you should still do this outside of the marital bedroom, but NOT IN the marital bedroom. What kind of message are we sending to our daughters by showing our butt cheeks, our cleavage, our butt cracks and anything in between, to everyone who has eyes? We are teaching our young daughters that self respect is no longer needed. We are teaching them that it is ok to show off our bodies to people other than our spouses. We are teaching our daughters that sex/sexy is not something to be shared between just ourselves and our spouses-privately, but it is to be shared or implied to everyone-publicly. And then we sit back in shock and awe as we question why the teen pregnancy statistics just keep rising. (Now where could that come from?) Are we for real?
We blame men for being "players" and "ladies men". What if we stepped back and looked at what responsibility we women play in making that so? Women have been using their sexuality to use and manipulate men for decades now. We dress provocatively, we are suggestive or blunt about sex, we show no self respect or restraint and then we wonder why after having sex with us, the men move on to the next best thing. Men have been taught to not respect women, because we do not demand their respect, we can't even respect ourselves. So for generations now, men have learned that they no longer need to respect women, they are openly available to them, no effort needed. And THAT my lady friends, is why chivalry has died.
Men do not, (usually), marry the women who give it up so easily. They wait until they find a woman who will make them work for their "gifts". And while not a lot of people wait until marriage these days (sadly), they do tend to lean more towards the girl who makes them wait to prove their love first.
In short, these women and girls who are going around looking and acting like "ladies of the night", are giving all women a bad name. They have actually changed our society for the worst, to work around them. If more women would wake up and realize that we are the cause of a lot of the bad in our world today, things might actually start to look up. Unfortunately, women have been taught by watching their mother's and by hearing other women's complaints, that we are guilt free, we hold no blame...it's all men! Men are the evil in our world today to these women. I witness this each and everyday myself by someone awful close to me...it is sad and extremely discouraging. Yet, I refuse to give up completely on my gender. I think maybe there is still a tiny shred of hope left for us. So, WAKE UP! Look in the mirror and be brutally honest with yourselves. What are you doing to hold up your end? What are you doing to bring us down? What can you do to turn things around? Be a positive example for our young girls. Treat others as you'd have them treat you-even the men.
Sexy THEN VS "Sexy" NOW
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I love you dear, but "Dr." Laura is a crackpot. She really is.
ReplyDeleteShe's right on with this one. I never liked her until I started reading this book. There is no way anyone, who is being completely honest with themselves, could argue with the points made in this book.
ReplyDeleteThat may be true--but even crackpots hit the nail on the head once in a while! This time I think she's got it!
ReplyDeleteThat explains why my ex didnt finish reading it. She didnt want to hear it! LOL
ReplyDeleteAs so many women refuse to do Jason. They can't seem to face the truth about themselves. If they face it, they must be accountable for it. They lose their control. They become part of them problem then and that means they have to admit they have been wrong and do something to fix it. They can't handle that. It's easier to cover your eyes and ears and run away screaming! I for one am extremely glad I woke up in time, narrowly, and found the strength to admit my shortcomings and begin fixing them. Otherwise, I'd have lost my soul mate and never had a healthy relationship.
ReplyDelete"the" problem
ReplyDeleteIt seems to me, that most women work very hard to keep their husbands happy.
ReplyDeleteStill, we have domestic violence (statistics show that 1/3rd of all women are subjected to repeated batterings every year,) infidelity (in 30-60% of all marriages one or both partners engage in adultery) or economic downfall (if your annual income exceeds $50,000 you are 30% less likely to divorce).
While I believe that in a marriage, there should be mutual respect, in no way will I accept full culpability for the crimes of all women.
Who said you should accept full culpability? I pointed at no one in particular. And I do not accept statistics as fact. They can be made up by anyone. They change from day to day.
ReplyDeleteLook at the underlying causes of all this infidelity. Ask most men why they cheated and their first answer will be, "I didn't feel loved or wanted or important at home." I do not defend this as an alright course of action, but I understand it. I see that he must have been hurting tremendously to do this to his wife and himself. Not every man cheats just to get his whistle wet by unknown waters. There's a reason.
If most women worked to make their men happy, there wouldn't be such high divorce rates. Men are pretty simple to please. If most women weren't so one sided, marriages would be valued still and they wouldn't fall apart so easily. I see it in almost every relationship I have been close to. How many times I have heard, "They must be trained." Not, "They must be loved for who they are."
I think what my wonderful wife is trying to make a point of is that a couple equals two. When you're in a relationship it's an "us" situation not an "I" situation. The blame is to be pointed at both sexes and that the work in and for the relationship should be equal not a "give me, give me, give me", but a "give and take". That's where the compromising and communication skills are key. Now I noticed people putting up statistics on divorce rates and yes these rates and reasoning may be true, but have you broken down to the "why" portions of the stats that you post? "Why' did they divorce over finances? Could one person (male or female) have been in complete control over the finances and the other person lacked in any ability to have a say so on what the money was used for?...
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ReplyDelete...For example, a man and woman, married for ten years have a big blow out fight over the man (in this case being the income provider) spending to much money on frivolous electronics while at the same time telling the wife she's not allowed to spend any money on herself... You see where I'm going with this right? In reality statistics really don't mean squat unless you have ALL the facts that back them up. Anyway, the moral of the story is this... whether you are male or female, in order to have a good relationship that will last you have to remember that it's not all about YOU!
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