Just 10 more days until my c-section. I am nervous. I have had two previous sections, both traumatizing in different ways. Clara's was unexpected, I didn't want it but the doctors convinced me I was going to hurt my baby if I didn't go through with it. (There was nothing wrong). I didn't know what to expect. I had never had a major surgery before, or any at all at that. I barely remember it all, but I very vividly remember the fear. Marian's was traumatizing because of the epidural. The anesthesiologist hit my spine with the needle. It hurt like hell and when I said something, he told me pretty much to stop being a baby...and hit it again. When I screamed at him and told him to stop, he pulled it out and reset, jamming it into my back, (I made him angry). It finally went through and took, thank God. I do not remember Mary's birth at all. Clara's section recovery was awful. I got an infection, was sent home with it, and ended up in the ER that same day. I had to have my incision reopened and left open to be packed with gauze two or three times a day by Johnnie, at home. It was gross, and painful. Mary's section wasn't a bad recovery process, but the postpartum depression wreaked havoc on me for two weeks straight. I had it with Clara too, but Mary's was really bad. I shook from the inside out for 3 days, nonstop. With Clara, I was scared and couldn't eat for two weeks.
Needless to say, I am scared of the surgery and the recovery this time. I have no clue what to expect. It could be good or it could be really, really bad. I am just hoping I get through this with a quickness.
On a more positive note, I can NOT wait to meet our daughter. What a joy to have another little life, a beautiful third daughter, to add to our family. I can't wait to see her little face and smell her, hold her, kiss her and hug her. I am so anxious! What a blessing!!
Baby Kathryn @ 10 weeks (Now we have just 10 days to go!)
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