This man tells this woman things just to hold her down, to keep her under his thumb, to make sure she is unhappy. Cause he is miserable himself. Maybe he doesn't know why he's miserable, maybe he doesn't think he has a problem, who knows? The point is, he will do anything to make sure she is unhappy. She stays. He hurts her, she stays. He abuses her in every way a man can abuse a woman, she stays. She doesn't feel worthy, deserving, capable, or good enough. She lives in fear, of him, of what he says he could and would do if she tried to leave. She lives in fear of not being able to take care of her kids without him. She lives in fear of ever trying to find happiness.
I do not understand this.
I have seen in my 30 years many women go through this. Many of them close to me in one way or another. I will never understand it. I will also never understand the men who think it is ok to do this to another human being. I can't wrap my head around what it is they are missing in themselves that makes them feel they need to do this. It is sad. What makes one person think they are in the right to have control over another? What makes that person believe they are better than the other person? Or maybe they don't think they are better. Maybe they are so insecure themselves that they feel they aren't deserving of the other person and that they could lose them, so they lash out in fear themselves? I don't know.
I am insecure. I am afraid of losing Johnnie everyday, not for any particular reason, but just because things happened in my life that have left me, and will always leave me feeling less than adequate. It's not his fault. He does everything he can to make me feel confident. But, I do not lash out at him for it. I do not treat him like crap. He has had things happen in his life that have left him feeling insecure about certain things, yet, he has never acted in a way that would make me feel like I was less of a person standing next to him. He has never raised his hand to me, or hurt me purposely.
In my own opinion, both the man and the woman in situations like these need professional help. The man needs to find out why he is the way he is and what he can do to fix it. The woman needs to find out why she lets it go on.
I am in no way a feminist. I am not an activist. I am just a woman. I have old fashioned beliefs myself about the roles of men and women in relationships. I also have very high standards for how a man should behave and how he should treat his partner. You do not hurt those you love. You protect them and provide for them, meaning you provide love, understanding, comfort, protection, a home, and strong warm arms to come to each and every night. As a woman, I believe you should do what you can to take care of your man as well. Meaning you provide love, understanding, comfort, and a shoulder to lean on.
As for the chauvinist ways of thinking that a woman BELONGS in the kitchen over a hot stove, I say you are missing the point. When two people love each other, they work together. I do cook for my family, I believe it is my job to make sure they are fed. But Johnnie has no problem taking a night to make chili if I ask him to. It doesn't make him feel less of a man to stand over a "woman's stove". He will also unload the dishwasher for me, and load it if I need him to, no questions asked, no penalty for me asking.
I believe that woman today have taken the feminist act waaaay too far. A lot of women believe that the man is there to provide for them and to do whatever they ask. These women are completely one sided. The men should do for them, while they are just there to be pretty and spend the money. I do not agree with that. I believe in giving and taking and making sure you are not taking without giving back.
Now for the men who believe it is ok to beat your wives, tell them they are ugly/fat/unwanted/worthless/etc...I hope you wise up before you wake up with a bat to the face one day. Because one day, someone will get tired of the abuse, whether it be the abused person or someone they love who has been watching her take it. Not to mention the fact that one day, you will answer for what you've done, in one way or another. You are no man. You who chooses to beat on someone you know does not have the same strength and can not possibly match you in a fight, you are a coward. You are weak and you should do something to find out why. You should seek help.
To those who use verbal abuse as your weapon, you are a joke. You are so scared of losing something that you believe to be your possession that you will say anything to make them feel bad, to make them believe you are their only answer. You think because you do not physically touch her that you are not hurting her. Look into her eyes, see the light has gone from them. That's your work. Loser!
As for the women who take this. There is another way for you. You are not their toy to be played with. As long as they know their words hold you there, they have all the power. Don't give them that power, walk away. Take back your life. You are better than what they tell you. You can make it. There is help put there for you. Stand up and stop cowering under these pathetic excuses for men. Being alone and struggling for a little while is better than the life you are living now. Be strong and walk with your head held high. They can only have power over you as long as you allow them too.
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