I had to go into the hospital today. I woke up last night with really bad pain in my lower abdomen, I just thought it was the way I had been laying. It didn't go away completely for about an hour, but I was so tired that I was in and out and didn't really comprehend what was going on. I got up, rode with Mom to take the girls to school, rode with her to Wal-Mart to get her medicine and medicine for the girls, and I couldn't walk. I had to ride one of the roller cart things. The pressure and the burning were horrible. It literally felt as if her head was trying to come out. I know you could see my pain cause everyone was asking if I was ok. LOL! How embarrassing! We left and came home with lunch, after we ate, I went to go outside with Johnnie and I could not stand up. The pain was that bad, the pressure was sending sharp stinging pains through my pelvis and girly parts. Johnnie and Mom said I had to go to the hospital, so off we went, with a small detour for coffee, LOL! We got to the hospital and it was quite a different experience. You actually have to wait in a waiting area, register and then go into a very much non-private room for triage. I am used to being taken directly to a private room and being monitored there. They hooked me up and monitored us, (Me and Kat), and saw that my contractions, although erratic, are very much real. I am dilated to 1, her head is down and in position, but I am not open yet. (Effaced, I think is the correct term). No one is able to explain the burning, so I am guessing it has something to do with a nerve that is being pressed by Kat's head. I know it's awful. Gives "Fire Crotch" a whole new meaning for me. HAHA! So now, here I sit, I came home went through some serious nesting, got things ready for an anytime delivery, and now I am trying to relax.
While I was in the hospital facing a possible delivery at that time, I realized that although I thought I was ready, prepared and experienced in this, I am not! I am terrified. Another c-section, another recovery, but this time with two kids at home. The recovery is scary, the epidural is horrifying, but the not knowing if everyone can step in and fill my 'Mommy Shoes' while I am down, that is really frightening me. I know Johnnie can handle it, but he works too. He will only have one week off to help out and after that, he must go back to work. That leaves at least 3 weeks of recovery time without him. Mom will be here, but the kids can be stressful at their best, and Mom has nervous issues...not to mention she is just now getting used to driving again...It's scary.
I worry about how I will take care of Kat in the middle of the night, early morning and all day long...I had Johnnie home with both of our girls. He took the wheel for the first month of both their lives. He was wonderful with them and to me. I won't have that now.
I don't know if I will even be able to sleep in our bed. It is so high and with a fresh incision, I am scared I won't be able to get up and down in the bed, especially by myself.
I am scared.
I had postpartum with both girls. I am trembling with the fear that it will come back for this one too.
Have I mentioned the epidural?
The hospital is questionable.
I know nothing about this doctor, but she was the only one who would accept me.
Ugh!
I wish I would just go into full labor and be too far by the time I got to the hospital for them to do the c-section of give me meds. I would be content with that delivery!!!
Either way, it's in motion now. Can't wait to see if I go the whole 8 days, I'm hoping that's a BIG NO!
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Neighbors From Hell!!!
So I have these neighbors, they have more than 2 kids, ages vary to 6 years old, being the youngest. The kids are allowed to run around outside by themselves with no supervision until well after dark. Even the 6 year old. (The 6 year old was allowed to roam the streets in nothing more than a diaper at age 2, alone and in the middle of winter.) Right now, I am listening to blood curdling screams from one of the daughters. This goes on all day after school and at night, everyday. It was scary at first, I thought something was wrong and I'd run out to make sure everything was ok. It is just the action of a neglected little girl trying to get attention. It is truly saddening, heartbreaking. The attitudes of these children, including the now adult child, is horrendous. They are mean and hateful, they are ugly to everyone-including adults, especially adults. They are dirty and smelly most of the time. Their mouths are horrible, their language. I had to stop my daughters from going around them because their behavior was starting to go downhill. Not to mention how awful the kids were to my girls when they were just trying to play with these kids.
The parents will leave the house, leaving their other kids to watch the little ones, and they don't. I have spent countless nights listening to searches going on after dark for the youngest child. It's very dangerous. It'll be hours before anyone realizes the kids are missing, and then begin to look for them. My daughter has even asked me why their Mommy and Daddy don't care about them. How disheartening is that?! They are actively involved with D.F.A.C.S. already. If they aren't doing anything, what can you do, ya know? The oldest kid is a gang banger wannabe, which is just as dangerous as a real gang banger. He exposed himself in front of my daughters when they were younger, ages 3 and 4 I believe, maybe younger. He has had the police at his house more times than I can count. And nothing is ever done. Our neighborhood, specifically our street, has gone waaaay downhill because of this family. And nothing can be done. We have called the police for bad behaviors, the fire dept. for burning plastic (which is very toxic), and nothing is ever done. But you let anyone else do something outside the law and see how fast they're arrested or ticketed.
They have animals that make noise all day and night. Just today we were sitting outside and a pig sounded as if it was being tortured. They had a goat tied to a fence and he hung himself. There dogs run and roam free all hours...getting into trash cans and popping little kids pools, running off with yard toys, chewing up anything they can, and chasing cars. Their cats are flea infested and bring them to others homes just by coming onto their porches. The Pound does nothing...of course. My youngest daughter is allergic to fleas, which is why we had to get rid of our cat, and yet she is still being ate up from these things because of their cats. It's just not fair.
I think it is highly safe to say that these people are neighbors from hell. They belong in the mountains or deep, deep in the woods, away from civilization. I can't wait until we can move and we do not have to deal with their crap any longer. I do not want neighbors now because of these people. I will be looking to move somewhere that is not far from everyone else, but secluded enough to not have to walk outside and see anyone or any other houses.
What a relief that day will be!
The parents will leave the house, leaving their other kids to watch the little ones, and they don't. I have spent countless nights listening to searches going on after dark for the youngest child. It's very dangerous. It'll be hours before anyone realizes the kids are missing, and then begin to look for them. My daughter has even asked me why their Mommy and Daddy don't care about them. How disheartening is that?! They are actively involved with D.F.A.C.S. already. If they aren't doing anything, what can you do, ya know? The oldest kid is a gang banger wannabe, which is just as dangerous as a real gang banger. He exposed himself in front of my daughters when they were younger, ages 3 and 4 I believe, maybe younger. He has had the police at his house more times than I can count. And nothing is ever done. Our neighborhood, specifically our street, has gone waaaay downhill because of this family. And nothing can be done. We have called the police for bad behaviors, the fire dept. for burning plastic (which is very toxic), and nothing is ever done. But you let anyone else do something outside the law and see how fast they're arrested or ticketed.
They have animals that make noise all day and night. Just today we were sitting outside and a pig sounded as if it was being tortured. They had a goat tied to a fence and he hung himself. There dogs run and roam free all hours...getting into trash cans and popping little kids pools, running off with yard toys, chewing up anything they can, and chasing cars. Their cats are flea infested and bring them to others homes just by coming onto their porches. The Pound does nothing...of course. My youngest daughter is allergic to fleas, which is why we had to get rid of our cat, and yet she is still being ate up from these things because of their cats. It's just not fair.
I think it is highly safe to say that these people are neighbors from hell. They belong in the mountains or deep, deep in the woods, away from civilization. I can't wait until we can move and we do not have to deal with their crap any longer. I do not want neighbors now because of these people. I will be looking to move somewhere that is not far from everyone else, but secluded enough to not have to walk outside and see anyone or any other houses.
What a relief that day will be!
9 Days To Go!
Yesterday I had a doctor's appointment. I found out they were wrong, I am not diabetic, which I told them-several times. But of course since I did not go to medical school, they know MY body better than I do, right? I was actually told there were no symptoms with gestational diabetes! Are you serious?! And these are the doctors that will be responsible for my child's life as well as mine! You can imagine how encouraged I feel right about now. And, they get to cut me open...yay!
Usually the symptoms are mild and not life threatening to the pregnant woman. Often, the blood sugar(glucose) level returns to normal after delivery.
Symptoms may include:
- Blurred vision
- Fatigue
- Frequent infections, including those of the bladder, vagina, and skin
- Increased thirst
- Increased urination
- Nausea and vomiting
- Weight loss in spite of increased appetite
***I had fatigue, U.T.I's (Urinary Tract Infections), increased thirst, increased urination, nausea and vomiting, and weight loss in spite of increased appetite...it's called BEING PREGNANT! LOL!!!
With 9 days to go, I am feeling extremely uncomfortable. The hip pain is really bad at times, but it's walking and turning over in bed at night that are really the culprits of the discomfort. Her head is in my pelvic bone, so each time I walk, I have to go straight to the bathroom and the discomfort of her head hitting is not so great. I am a side sleeper by nature, but especially now...can't sleep on my back or tummy, so with the hip pain already as it is, and sleeping on my hips, turning hurts...so I am not sleeping well. I can't wait til she's here!
With 9 days to go, I am feeling extremely uncomfortable. The hip pain is really bad at times, but it's walking and turning over in bed at night that are really the culprits of the discomfort. Her head is in my pelvic bone, so each time I walk, I have to go straight to the bathroom and the discomfort of her head hitting is not so great. I am a side sleeper by nature, but especially now...can't sleep on my back or tummy, so with the hip pain already as it is, and sleeping on my hips, turning hurts...so I am not sleeping well. I can't wait til she's here!
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Doctor today...
Today I have a doctor's appointment. My next to last one before she's here. My beef with this is that I have to drive one city over, or in today's case, I have to ride one city over and waste my Mom's gas and both of our time. And all for a 30 minute to an hour wait in the waiting room...then another 30 minute to an hour wait in the actual room, just for her to come in, listen to Kathryn's heartbeat, and ask if I have any concerns. Any concerns I have voiced have been met with, "Oh, that's normal". I just want to say to her, "I have been through this twice already, this doesn't feel normal!" Not to mention, my belly has never been measured, she has never checked me for dilation after a days worth of contractions, (which I thought was common practice), and she never takes my concerns seriously. Yes, I am whining. I am 10 days away from having her, I get to whine for a minute...so there!
**Note: I notice that I wrote my last post, (Starting the Countdown), a few hours early. Today actually marks the 10 days.
**Note: I notice that I wrote my last post, (Starting the Countdown), a few hours early. Today actually marks the 10 days.
Monday, September 27, 2010
Starting the countdown...
Just 10 more days until my c-section. I am nervous. I have had two previous sections, both traumatizing in different ways. Clara's was unexpected, I didn't want it but the doctors convinced me I was going to hurt my baby if I didn't go through with it. (There was nothing wrong). I didn't know what to expect. I had never had a major surgery before, or any at all at that. I barely remember it all, but I very vividly remember the fear. Marian's was traumatizing because of the epidural. The anesthesiologist hit my spine with the needle. It hurt like hell and when I said something, he told me pretty much to stop being a baby...and hit it again. When I screamed at him and told him to stop, he pulled it out and reset, jamming it into my back, (I made him angry). It finally went through and took, thank God. I do not remember Mary's birth at all. Clara's section recovery was awful. I got an infection, was sent home with it, and ended up in the ER that same day. I had to have my incision reopened and left open to be packed with gauze two or three times a day by Johnnie, at home. It was gross, and painful. Mary's section wasn't a bad recovery process, but the postpartum depression wreaked havoc on me for two weeks straight. I had it with Clara too, but Mary's was really bad. I shook from the inside out for 3 days, nonstop. With Clara, I was scared and couldn't eat for two weeks.
Needless to say, I am scared of the surgery and the recovery this time. I have no clue what to expect. It could be good or it could be really, really bad. I am just hoping I get through this with a quickness.
On a more positive note, I can NOT wait to meet our daughter. What a joy to have another little life, a beautiful third daughter, to add to our family. I can't wait to see her little face and smell her, hold her, kiss her and hug her. I am so anxious! What a blessing!!
Needless to say, I am scared of the surgery and the recovery this time. I have no clue what to expect. It could be good or it could be really, really bad. I am just hoping I get through this with a quickness.
On a more positive note, I can NOT wait to meet our daughter. What a joy to have another little life, a beautiful third daughter, to add to our family. I can't wait to see her little face and smell her, hold her, kiss her and hug her. I am so anxious! What a blessing!!
Baby Kathryn @ 10 weeks (Now we have just 10 days to go!)
Friday, September 24, 2010
Why do my angels have horns?!
My girls are beautiful, funny, fun, witty, brilliant, intelligent, caring, loving, lovable, little creatures. They can be the most precious little girls EVER! They can melt your heart with one little look or expression. They can make you laugh until your tummy hurts. They are capable of making me shoot drinks out of my nose with some of their comments. Their laughs will make your day and listening to them play can be as entertaining as watching your favorite show on tv.
Then they turn on you.
They can be nasty, mean, hateful, mouthy little buggers. They hit each other, pull hair, kick and scream. They argue over just about anything and everything. They talk back and are bull-headed. The stubbornness never ceases to amaze and shock me. (Not to mention make me very, very angry). I can tell them to do something and they either will not listen at all and walk away or they will do the complete opposite of what I told them to do.
What is the deal with that?!
Where did that tail and pitchfork come from? Why do my angels have horns growing out of their heads?! I remember not long ago when they were so sweet and adorable. They laughed at everything all the time and they loved to play together.
Now sharing is a foreign concept to them. Right there with gratefulness, appreciation, and respect. They do not understand these things anymore than I understand when and where this demonic possession of my little girls souls began.
I am about to have our third daughter. Girl number 3! I have it to do all over again. Another angel that will turn demon on me in no time. Even if we did everything we could to keep her from heading in that direction, she'd have her sisters to mimic.
God help us all!
LOL!!!
Then they turn on you.
They can be nasty, mean, hateful, mouthy little buggers. They hit each other, pull hair, kick and scream. They argue over just about anything and everything. They talk back and are bull-headed. The stubbornness never ceases to amaze and shock me. (Not to mention make me very, very angry). I can tell them to do something and they either will not listen at all and walk away or they will do the complete opposite of what I told them to do.
What is the deal with that?!
Where did that tail and pitchfork come from? Why do my angels have horns growing out of their heads?! I remember not long ago when they were so sweet and adorable. They laughed at everything all the time and they loved to play together.
Now sharing is a foreign concept to them. Right there with gratefulness, appreciation, and respect. They do not understand these things anymore than I understand when and where this demonic possession of my little girls souls began.
I am about to have our third daughter. Girl number 3! I have it to do all over again. Another angel that will turn demon on me in no time. Even if we did everything we could to keep her from heading in that direction, she'd have her sisters to mimic.
God help us all!
LOL!!!
BE AFRAID, BE VERY AFRAID!
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Where has all the magic gone?
When I was a child, I believed in so many things...
Santa, the Easter Bunny, Leprechauns, the gold at the end of each rainbow, fairies, ghosts, gnomes, werewolves, vampires, Frankenstein, and much more.
I believed in fairness, kindness, right is right, wrong is wrong.
I believed that an apology would make everything right and ok again.
I believed that adults knew everything and that they were always right.
I believed that the world was safe and that my parents would never let anything bad happen to me.
I believed in love being enough to make my world go round.
I believed in fairy tales. One day my Prince would come and we would ride off into the sunset and live happily ever after.
Talking things out would last 10 minutes and all would be good and forgiven at the end of the ten minutes. (Thanks a lot Full House!)
I believed in fairy dust and magical kingdoms.
I believed that when I went to bed at night, my toys and my stuffed animals played.
I believed that having kids would be the easiest thing I had ever done. (HA!)
Oh to be a child again. Innocent and naive. To believe in all things magic and good. I wish we could hold onto some of that, even just a piece of it, when we get older. Life would look so much nicer, maybe even be a lot more fun. When you are a child, you are in such a hurry to be an adult and when you become an adult, you want nothing more than to be a carefree child again.
I miss the magic of Christmas the most I think. Halloween being a close second. Those times were the best and the most magical for me as a child.
I hope my girls take the time to enjoy their life as a child. I hope they understand when I tell them to hold onto this time. I hope they are not in any hurry to grow up.
This is my wish. That the magic stays in my girls lives for as long as they can hold it in their hearts. And that no one and nothing ever takes that from them. I hope that when my girls are 29 years old, they can still hear the bells.
Santa, the Easter Bunny, Leprechauns, the gold at the end of each rainbow, fairies, ghosts, gnomes, werewolves, vampires, Frankenstein, and much more.
I believed in fairness, kindness, right is right, wrong is wrong.
I believed that an apology would make everything right and ok again.
I believed that adults knew everything and that they were always right.
I believed that the world was safe and that my parents would never let anything bad happen to me.
I believed in love being enough to make my world go round.
I believed in fairy tales. One day my Prince would come and we would ride off into the sunset and live happily ever after.
Talking things out would last 10 minutes and all would be good and forgiven at the end of the ten minutes. (Thanks a lot Full House!)
I believed in fairy dust and magical kingdoms.
I believed that when I went to bed at night, my toys and my stuffed animals played.
I believed that having kids would be the easiest thing I had ever done. (HA!)
Oh to be a child again. Innocent and naive. To believe in all things magic and good. I wish we could hold onto some of that, even just a piece of it, when we get older. Life would look so much nicer, maybe even be a lot more fun. When you are a child, you are in such a hurry to be an adult and when you become an adult, you want nothing more than to be a carefree child again.
I miss the magic of Christmas the most I think. Halloween being a close second. Those times were the best and the most magical for me as a child.
I hope my girls take the time to enjoy their life as a child. I hope they understand when I tell them to hold onto this time. I hope they are not in any hurry to grow up.
This is my wish. That the magic stays in my girls lives for as long as they can hold it in their hearts. And that no one and nothing ever takes that from them. I hope that when my girls are 29 years old, they can still hear the bells.
Are we really this hypersensitive now?
I have had the subject of racism and bigotry brought up to me twice in the past week and a half. I am really beginning to think that we are either very confused as a nation on what these two are, or we have become really hypersensitive since becoming a politically correct majority. It would seem we have also lost our ability to laugh at ourselves, or have a sense of humor at all.
Racism: hatred or intolerance of another race or other races.
Bigotry: stubborn and complete intolerance of any creed, belief, or opinion that differs from one's own.
Now I believe these two things to be very much alive and active in today's society. But I think the reasons they are still here have changed drastically since earlier years. People today are far less likely to actually judge someone based solely on their outward differences. I am not saying that there are not those who still do this, but it is no longer the vast majority doing so. It is actually a small minority of people that still do this. (He ain't as good as me and mine cause he ain't white!) This is not the view of many people today. Now I will say that I have heard a lot of people say things such as "I don't like him cause he's a lazy thug." I would have to say that is not a racist remark, it's a judgment against someone's character. I have heard people making race related jokes, black, white, hispanic, chinese, indian, and so on...it would seem that most comics have a set based on racial jokes nowadays. And then there are those who sit around with their friends and make racial jokes. (Not so nice, but come on, I've heard lots of people of different races doing this).
Some words have been marked unsafe for certain races to use. Why is it that words can be deemed not ok for one race but absolutely ok for another race? It's a word. I get called cracker or hear it as well as honky and I say cracker all the time. (I am white by the way). I hear the word nigger used by blacks and whites alike all the time. Only when it's used by a white guy/girl, it becomes a bad word, (I guarantee I will be called racist 100 times because I just typed that word out. Watch), whether used in that context or not, we are not to utter the word or else. I hear spic and wetback used by hispanics. But you let a white man or black man say it in the exact same sense it was used in by the hispanic guy...it will get a much different reaction. Why is a word used by those it was meant to hurt, ok, but if it is used by someone of another race, it is derogatory and wrong? It's still just a word, it holds the same power no matter who's tongue it rolls off of. The difference is how it is used. Such as cuss words. Someone can say, "Fuck! I stubbed my toe!" and someone else say, "Fuck you!" It's all in how it's used, right?
Hypersensitive? Politically Incorrect? Racist?
Chris Tucker can stand up in front of audiences for an hour screaming hateful racists jokes, mostly about white people, and people in the audience and at home will be laughing their butts off. It's ok for him, right? Why?
Racism is being kept alive because it seems to be the focus of everyone's attention-still! We are not allowed as white people to say "Black people", it is offensive to so many. I don't mind if you call me white, I am white-kinda, I'm more of a mutt. I think also that many black people, as well as those who believe themselves to be defending them are the ones keeping racism alive. Many people can find racism in anything. Even when it's not truly there. If I am in a group of people and I have a question about a race related issue, what makes it wrong for me to turn to a person of that race and ask them their opinion on the subject? How does that make me racist? Because I acknowledged they were of that race? I could do the same thing in a religious conversation. I wouldn't mind if someone of a different race asked me a race related question. It would only be offensive if it was meant to be hurtful and was used in a hurtful way or tone.
I do understand there are people who still have a hard time seeing us as equal to each other. There are people who hate just to hate. But that is not the case with so many. So many people are quick to scream "Racist!" without having any truth to their accusations. You can not call someone racist just because you don't agree with what they are saying. (That is bigotry).
A lot of people are being called hate mongers and racists, bigots, because they do not agree with illegal immigration. How does that make them any of those things? It has nothing to do with race. It has to do with people coming here-illegally, and not having to live by the same rules and regulations that us legal citizens are living by. They get a free pass while we pay their way. Not to mention that a lot of these illegal immigrants are coming over here sick, so they are bringing us disease. Some are criminals, they come here and continue their life of crime, as if we do not have enough criminals, here legally, of our own. We send them back to their home if they are caught
and they come right back. It has NOTHING to do with being a racist!! It has to do with being a law abiding citizen watching the law being broken and it being ignored by everyone because they are afraid of being called racists!
A common argument here is..."We all started out as immigrants". To that I say, that was a different time. We had different laws, less citizens already here, more land, jobs for the majority, and enough food for everyone. Not to mention, oh I did already, DIFFERENT LAWS!
And we must also remember, our ancestors were the bad guys. Oh! Oh! Yep, I said it!!
We often forget that don't we? We weren't just good guys coming as immigrants to claim some land. The land was already occupied, we came in, pushed our way through, killed, raped, and stole to get it! We were not the good guys. And neither are the ones coming over here illegally now.
It has NOTHING to do with race!! So stop screaming racist! Call it what it is-concern for our safety, our way of life and our laws. (Can anyone say Latin Kings? or whatever gang it is that's really big right now.)
I do not believe that racism would be so alive today if people would stop screaming it for every little thing. People need to stop being scared to have a thought that just might go against the masses or the small minded. Just think for yourselves.
I do not hate any one person because of their race. I do not hate anyone. I do not dislike any one race. I think there are good and bad points about every race, because we are all human and there is good and bad that comes with being human.
So many people now are also bigots. If you have a different opinion than theirs, you are wrong and they can't stand you. There is no longer a mind of "To each their own". It is "I am right and you are wrong!" We hate that, that is different than us or differs from us, don't we?
If people would just live and let live, stop being so full of hate and so quick to blame others as being something they think the other person is, we might be able to get along and move away from this.
Racism: hatred or intolerance of another race or other races.
Bigotry: stubborn and complete intolerance of any creed, belief, or opinion that differs from one's own.
Now I believe these two things to be very much alive and active in today's society. But I think the reasons they are still here have changed drastically since earlier years. People today are far less likely to actually judge someone based solely on their outward differences. I am not saying that there are not those who still do this, but it is no longer the vast majority doing so. It is actually a small minority of people that still do this. (He ain't as good as me and mine cause he ain't white!) This is not the view of many people today. Now I will say that I have heard a lot of people say things such as "I don't like him cause he's a lazy thug." I would have to say that is not a racist remark, it's a judgment against someone's character. I have heard people making race related jokes, black, white, hispanic, chinese, indian, and so on...it would seem that most comics have a set based on racial jokes nowadays. And then there are those who sit around with their friends and make racial jokes. (Not so nice, but come on, I've heard lots of people of different races doing this).
Some words have been marked unsafe for certain races to use. Why is it that words can be deemed not ok for one race but absolutely ok for another race? It's a word. I get called cracker or hear it as well as honky and I say cracker all the time. (I am white by the way). I hear the word nigger used by blacks and whites alike all the time. Only when it's used by a white guy/girl, it becomes a bad word, (I guarantee I will be called racist 100 times because I just typed that word out. Watch), whether used in that context or not, we are not to utter the word or else. I hear spic and wetback used by hispanics. But you let a white man or black man say it in the exact same sense it was used in by the hispanic guy...it will get a much different reaction. Why is a word used by those it was meant to hurt, ok, but if it is used by someone of another race, it is derogatory and wrong? It's still just a word, it holds the same power no matter who's tongue it rolls off of. The difference is how it is used. Such as cuss words. Someone can say, "Fuck! I stubbed my toe!" and someone else say, "Fuck you!" It's all in how it's used, right?
Hypersensitive? Politically Incorrect? Racist?
Chris Tucker can stand up in front of audiences for an hour screaming hateful racists jokes, mostly about white people, and people in the audience and at home will be laughing their butts off. It's ok for him, right? Why?
Racism is being kept alive because it seems to be the focus of everyone's attention-still! We are not allowed as white people to say "Black people", it is offensive to so many. I don't mind if you call me white, I am white-kinda, I'm more of a mutt. I think also that many black people, as well as those who believe themselves to be defending them are the ones keeping racism alive. Many people can find racism in anything. Even when it's not truly there. If I am in a group of people and I have a question about a race related issue, what makes it wrong for me to turn to a person of that race and ask them their opinion on the subject? How does that make me racist? Because I acknowledged they were of that race? I could do the same thing in a religious conversation. I wouldn't mind if someone of a different race asked me a race related question. It would only be offensive if it was meant to be hurtful and was used in a hurtful way or tone.
I do understand there are people who still have a hard time seeing us as equal to each other. There are people who hate just to hate. But that is not the case with so many. So many people are quick to scream "Racist!" without having any truth to their accusations. You can not call someone racist just because you don't agree with what they are saying. (That is bigotry).
A lot of people are being called hate mongers and racists, bigots, because they do not agree with illegal immigration. How does that make them any of those things? It has nothing to do with race. It has to do with people coming here-illegally, and not having to live by the same rules and regulations that us legal citizens are living by. They get a free pass while we pay their way. Not to mention that a lot of these illegal immigrants are coming over here sick, so they are bringing us disease. Some are criminals, they come here and continue their life of crime, as if we do not have enough criminals, here legally, of our own. We send them back to their home if they are caught
and they come right back. It has NOTHING to do with being a racist!! It has to do with being a law abiding citizen watching the law being broken and it being ignored by everyone because they are afraid of being called racists!
A common argument here is..."We all started out as immigrants". To that I say, that was a different time. We had different laws, less citizens already here, more land, jobs for the majority, and enough food for everyone. Not to mention, oh I did already, DIFFERENT LAWS!
And we must also remember, our ancestors were the bad guys. Oh! Oh! Yep, I said it!!
We often forget that don't we? We weren't just good guys coming as immigrants to claim some land. The land was already occupied, we came in, pushed our way through, killed, raped, and stole to get it! We were not the good guys. And neither are the ones coming over here illegally now.
It has NOTHING to do with race!! So stop screaming racist! Call it what it is-concern for our safety, our way of life and our laws. (Can anyone say Latin Kings? or whatever gang it is that's really big right now.)
I do not believe that racism would be so alive today if people would stop screaming it for every little thing. People need to stop being scared to have a thought that just might go against the masses or the small minded. Just think for yourselves.
I do not hate any one person because of their race. I do not hate anyone. I do not dislike any one race. I think there are good and bad points about every race, because we are all human and there is good and bad that comes with being human.
So many people now are also bigots. If you have a different opinion than theirs, you are wrong and they can't stand you. There is no longer a mind of "To each their own". It is "I am right and you are wrong!" We hate that, that is different than us or differs from us, don't we?
If people would just live and let live, stop being so full of hate and so quick to blame others as being something they think the other person is, we might be able to get along and move away from this.
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
How long do I have to hold her in?!
I am so ready to be done with this pregnancy! OMG! I am too old for this. I have had way more pain with this pregnancy and now I am in the stage of being extremely uncomfortable, not to mention anxious. I am having a c-section, this will be number 3. Knowing what all I have to look forward to, I am a little bit scared/worried. Not of the surgery really, thought there are concerns, but of the epidural. Ugh! The last epidural was very painful. He kept hitting bone and trying to push through. I had to tell him to stop, then he got mad. I insulted him, so he wasn't gentle after that either. I am also worried it won't take completely or at all. I so don't want to feel any of that. I even have a worry about them cutting her head while cutting me open, don't know why.
Right now, my hips are hurting so bad. I can't get comfortable in any sleeping position, so I haven't been sleeping well. The pressure you know where is so bad! She has dropped and I can feel it. She seems to be trying to get out through my sides at times. And other times, I swear she has grabbed hold of something in there, (that is attached to ME), and is swinging from it. Pain-FUL!
I want to meet this little girl too. I can't wait to hold her and see her tiny little face. I want to see her smile and hear her coo. It's going to be amazing!
I hope the girls take to her well. I am worried about the jealousy that will more than likely come soon after she is brought home. I just hope the adjusting period isn't too long.
Right now, my hips are hurting so bad. I can't get comfortable in any sleeping position, so I haven't been sleeping well. The pressure you know where is so bad! She has dropped and I can feel it. She seems to be trying to get out through my sides at times. And other times, I swear she has grabbed hold of something in there, (that is attached to ME), and is swinging from it. Pain-FUL!
I want to meet this little girl too. I can't wait to hold her and see her tiny little face. I want to see her smile and hear her coo. It's going to be amazing!
I hope the girls take to her well. I am worried about the jealousy that will more than likely come soon after she is brought home. I just hope the adjusting period isn't too long.
The Discussion That Has Taken Place Tonight...
Following my Blog post about women...
3 hours ago · · · Share
- A: And Dr. (and I use that term VERY loosely) Laura is not your best source of information. She actually believes in conversion camps. You know, gay man walks in... prays... walks out straight. Even if homosexuality weren't genetic (and perhaps these endocrine disruptors are partially to blame) religion isn't the answer.2 hours ago ·
- L: Why should two-parent households that are forced to work be considered part of the "fall of society"? I know quite a few households in which both parents worked that were quite happy and successful. And I've known households where only the husband worked in which the child was a delinquent as often as not.2 hours ago ·
- Me: You can disagree with her beliefs on many things as you will disagree with me in many of my beliefs, but just because you do not agree with one or many of her beliefs does not mean she is wrong in all of her beliefs. I believe in her points in this book, whole heartedly. I think feminism is a huge part in the downfall of our society. It gave women something to hide behind so that they no longer have to answer for their crimes or their shortcomings as women, mothers, wives. We don't have to take responsibility anymore for our part, we can just blame the men.
Anyone who knows me, knows I am not one to be overrun by anyone, man or woman. I do not mention cow-towing in any of what I wrote, and neither does she. She and I agree on the fact that many women now take without thinking they need to give back. Why should they? Everything around them tells them they are entitled. It is not being dominated or controlled or put in your "place", to show your husband kindness, love, compassion, and respect. That is both her point and mine.
Too many women get to say, "I won't be held down by a man!" Or "I don't have to be his slave!" When in fact, that is most likely not what your man is looking for. He is looking for a companion, not a Mommy or a Manager. He has both of those already.
I agree that media does play a part in spreading the insanity, but it it NOT the cause. Without us giving them fuel for their fire, they'd have nothing to advertise. Role models and education starts first and foremost at home. We are the first women/men our kids look at for a leading example. We are our children's first and last teachers. You can not simply point a finger at everyone else and not hold yourself responsible as well.2 hours ago · - A: The statistics suggest more than anecdotal evidence. Single parent households suffer from double the risk of child abuse, 30% higher alcohol/drug abuse, and that family structure significantly predicts delinquency.
Latchkey kids are much more likely to have tragic accidents, early teenage sex, and lower grades.2 hours ago · - Me: The fall of society holds many factors, I was merely pointing out one of them....the role that women played in it. I do believe that a lot of children do suffer from having their parents both working, but so do children who have stressed out parents (Mommy or Daddy), that stay home everyday. Once again, it can come back to the fact that we as a society do not appreciate what we have anymore. And since mostly women stay at home to raise their children-still, that once again falls mostly on the mother's. If you do not appreciate the fact that you get to stay at home, you can easily become resentful and stress easily. This shows to your kids. They notice. That can't be good for their self esteem.
And yes, I do believe that the way women act today plays a HUGE role in how our kids act as well. If Mommy has no self respect and shows no self restraint, why should her daughter? If Daddy is going around sleeping with any woman he can get naked, why shouldn't his son do the same? It starts at home. The hypersexuality began when women felt that they had been freed from their chains of being just a woman. It started with the sexual revolution. It had very little to do with the media. The media picked up their lead and ran with it. That's like saying since I watch a lot of crime dramas that I am going to become a cop or a criminal. Not everything can be blamed on tv...we have to take responsibility for our own thoughts and actions.
Putting on make up is not just for you, ask Jeff. LOL...You may think it's just for you, but I bet he appreciates the effort and then it becomes for him too. You can do things that make you feel good while still having your husband in mind too. That isn't a weakness.
If women believe they need to keep up with the things the media portrays, that isn't the medias fault...it is the womans fault for buying into it. Women need to learn to be happy with who and what they are without seeking the approval of anyone other than themselves and their spouses. They can't say, "My butt is hanging out because that model the other night on that show had her butt hanging out, I just want to be like her." Have some self respect and dignity.about an hour ago · - A: Just one point to address, and then I have to go finish dinner...
Media is not the cause, but women aren't either. In the late 70's and early 80's we suffered from an economic recession that forced women into the workplace. Feminism might have had roots in the 60's, but the reality is, poverty requires dual income families.
Women started to feel as though they were losing their sexuality due to joining the work force. Anthems such as "bring home the bacon, fry it up in the pan, and never let him forget that he's the man" (I'm paraphrasing) suggested to women that they could, in fact, have it all and no negative implications whatsoever..
I'll be back.about an hour ago · - Me: I don't buy into studies at all! Studies also show that this will happen if you do or do not do this, and this will not happen if you do or don't do this...then in five years the study is done again and changes everything. I believe in what I see and feel around me.about an hour ago ·
- Me: Women going to work is not an excuse for how things have become today. I understand women had to go to work to help out...we still do in most families. Working, as far as I know, does NOT make you lose your sexuality...you giving up on yourself makes you lose your sexuality. I know many women who work full time jobs and still feel sexy and are still very sexual.
Women can have it all. Lots of women do. That is not my point here. My point here is that while having it all, don't forget to cherish your man and give him as much as you ask for. There is nothing wrong with that. That doesn't make you less of an equal, it actually makes you more of one.
The negative implications come from feeling like you can have it all, you take it all and you do not feel the need to give anything back.
If you expect him to keep himself up to par, work and be a husband and father, you should do the same. (Even if you are working in the home). If he is expected to look good and be in a good mood when around you, you should be held to the same standard. Again, nothing wrong there.
If you are saying, "My husband is an awful husband all the time!", and you are complaining and nagging 24/7, and then you turn around and say "He isn't very attentive or loving and I hate that about him!", you are sadly misleading yourself. You are not trying to be an equal, you are trying to take it all for yourself and not have to put forth the effort or energy into giving him anything back.
It has nothing to do with women being held down.
And shucking all responsibility by throwing it on everyone else, doesn't help anyone. We are already overrun by people who can't stand up and accept the consequences of their own actions. It's gotten us nowhere good.about an hour ago ·
- A: It is not expected that you would continue the same standards after the 'honeymoon' phase is over.
From a physiological standpoint, during initial courting, your brain is flooded with hormones (testosterone and estrogen) and neurotransmitters (serotonin, dopamine, and adrenaline). Not to mention, your body starts secreting oxytocin (the bonding hormone) in large quantities.
Why does our brain do all this? Simple biology. We, after all, are still animals.
After 'mating' our brain does not function in the same way. We settle down, create a life based on commonalities, behavior, and personality. All the makeup in the world won't save a relationship if it's based on anything other that mutual respect.about an hour ago · - A: I meant 'than' in the last sentence.about an hour ago ·
- Me: Which standards would we not continue with exactly? I didn't say make up was to be used to save a relationship, I used it as an example to show that we stop caring about looking nice once the dating period has become the married period.about an hour ago ·
- P: Hmmm.... I do see your point on all of this but I look at it a wee bit different. We are in the middle of an evolving situation. It wasn't to many years ago that wives were treated the same as the children in the home. You follow and obey or you get slapped around a bit and you had better get it right next time. It wasn't to long ago that women were not allowed to vote, work, to have a voice in the family structure. Our only purpose was to please our man and take care of the home and children.
Over the last few generations women have come along way but we are still being raised with alot of that abuse mentallity and our mothers don't even realize it. And then you have the other side of women who you would mistake for a man other than the fact they have boobs because they are trying to rebel against everything that has ever been taught to them. The fact is this, we're ivolving in this still. It's the same as taking a 10 year old whos never had candy into the candy store and tell them to have at it. They are going to go after the candies they were told not to touch the most 1st and then go down the line till they are so sick they can't stand it. We're still in that process, I know our
generation probably had more free hoes in it simply because we realized we could have just as much sex as any man and we weren't looked at in the worst light ever by our peers. But I see my sister whos 18 and she's not sleeping with every guy in sight. Her school didn't have half of the girls pregnant like ours did growing up. I feel already the hype of free sexuality is dying down and when our children become adults our girls will be more lady like and possibly being a virgin at marriage won't be as much as a joke as it is today.
Okay, now on to the married/family life. As far as getting dressed up for my hubby... I wore pj pants, a t shirt, and a pony tail on our 1st date. I wanted him to know what he was getting himself into, and lucky for me he still asked me out for a 2nd date. I am the worst to stay in my pjs all day and not even brush my hair. But he loves me still the same. He doesn't look at me and see the make up or fixed up hair he looks at me and sees me and that's the beauty he loves. I'm not saying that women shouldn't look nice for thier husbands from time to time just to wow them. But everyday, no. Craig would appreciate me not wasting the money on all make up just so he can look at me in it. LOL
As far as clothing goes.... this is a big one to me. I say 1) dress your age 2) Dress your status 3) Never ever ever dress like a slut! There is a HUGE difference between sexy and slutty. HUGE HUGE HUGE and that is one thing so many women don't understand. Men like playboy because it's slutty, not because it's sexy. So don't dress like that on your Friday night diner and expect him to think you're being sexy. Find out what your man likes, pay attention to what he says when you're putting on clothes. Or pay attention to the other women in his life that he respects. Your man may think a Sunday's best dress is the most sexy thing in the world and you have no clue.
That brings me to my conclusion.... I don't think that we as women need to look at all the women who went before us to figure out how to be a modest lady. Simply because they will tell you to grin and bare it. Keep the appearance up that you're in a happy loving home, make sure you obey your husband. Blah, blah, blah. So many of us look at divorce rates from 30 years ago and think since it was so low the men and women must have been doing it right and now since it's so high we're all doing it wrong. Not true because alot of the 50% of divorces today are those women who've been married for 40 years who are just now realizing they don't have to live that way for the rest of their lives. Rather, I think we have to work as a family unit with our spouses and figure out what our personal spouse wants, needs, desires. If we are willing to do that single thing and are willing to put the "me" to the side and start thinking as "we" things will turn around.
Before I was married there were so many things that I swore I would never do for my husband that my mom had done for my dad. But then I married Craig and in so many ways I became just like her. I was doing things for him that I swore no man would ever "make" me do and I was enjoying it. But it was demanded of me, it wasn't expected from me, it was me loving my husband and me making him the man that he is. In my home Craig is the head of our household. I have submitted myself to him but HE has done his part as a man to make me know that I am his partner not his foot stool and he's never made me feel below him. Even though I do respect his postition in our home he has never "pulled rank" he has always made me an equal but it's because I allow him to be a man. I don't belittle him or abuse him. If we as women would just take the time to realize we are women, we're built different than men but that's what makes us fit together if only we would take the time to figure our men and our selves out. Stop looking at others and start looking to our spouse.
Okay, I think I'm done. LOL43 minutes ago · - Me:P, you just reiterated MY point. Thank you. You actually brought tears to my eyes. Someone who understands where I'M coming from!!
First, I in no way support the abuse of yesteryears. I do support the family unit as it was, a united front. I also believe that the man should be allowed to be the man, the head of household...that does NOT mean he is to be my boss, or to make me feel less than him. That is NOT what I am saying in any of this. I am simply saying that we are partners in this thing called marriage/family. But he is our provider and our protector, it is only right that I show him how much I respect him by stepping back and allowing him to be that. He is the head of our family, while we make decisions together, the ultimate decision rests on him.
I do look to the women before me, to see their mistakes and learn from them and to see their strong points and learn them.
I do not agree that just because we were "Set loose" that we should just accept that it's the times and turn a blind eye. I don't believe in excusing bad behavior by adults. I believe in holding them accountable. Just because you can have all the sex in the world with whomever you want and you might not be called a slut to your face anymore, doesn't make it right and it doesn't mean I will not hold you responsible for your daughter doing the same thing later.
As far as the make up thing goes, this seems to be hitting home with everyone tonight, lol...I only wanted to use that as an example of caring enough to show the effort to look nice for your husband. It shows that you thought of him and took the time to make yourself up to feel good about yourself and to let him know you were thinking of doing something special for him. I do not mean to make sure you are in a dress, heels, hair done and make up on each night when he walks through the door. Johnnie tells me I am beautiful when I am at my worst...nose running, red eyes, hair disheveled, and my pjs on. LOL...but I know he also appreciates the effort I put forth in looking nice for him every now and then. It shows him I was thinking of him and that I do care about looking good for him. It's just ONE of the MANY things that shows him that I care about his opinion of me or just about him, period.
Now, for the comment about us only being there to take care of the husband and the children...I think that is the opposite extreme of what we have now. Women want kids and they have these babies only to then neglect them and their needs, to resent them and all they do is complain about what they have to do for the kids. They get married only to complain about having to be a wife. You can't have it both ways. I do not believe that we should put ourselves in the role of the 1930s house wife. We have evolved since then, just not always for the best. Most importantly, most men have overcome this way of thinking too. All they want is to be considered and counted. Being a wife to your husband doesn't mean you are putting yourself in a subservient role.
You don't have to let him beat you in order to be his wife and put his feelings up there with your own.
Johnnie has never hit me, made me feel like I was beneath him or not as good as him. He has, however, asked that I hold up to my responsibilities as I expect him to hold up to his, and he is NOT wrong in doing so. I was wrong for expecting him to go to work and come home to do all of my chores as well. Who did I think I was?! Queen Sheba? He is happy to help me, but he shouldn't have to do it all and work too.
I also realized today, Johnnie has never belittled me, gotten angry with me in public, talked down to me, or made me uncomfortable in anyway. I appreciate that SO MUCH! I see men who grit their teeth at their girlfriends in waiting rooms and grocery stores, who grab them by the arm to get their attention and let them know they are angry with them, I see men who will openly talk down to their women in public and you know it's just worse at home. Johnnie would NEVER even think about doing this to me. I am so grateful.
I have not always been so gracious to him, unfortunately. I am learning still. And I hope I have done better in not embarrassing him. He deserves to be able to say the same about me that I am able to say about him
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I have to disagree with you. If you want to find fault in the overt hypersexuality of today's generation, you can point fingers at the advertisers, the porn industry, even the xenoestrogens, but women are only trying to keep up.
While I personally am quite modest, and personally was friends with my husband for 10 years prior to dating, I know that isn't the case for most. I know that I'm an anomaly, but that doesn't mean that all my friends' marriages are destined to fail because they slept together on the first date. Part of my femininity is, in fact, my feminism. I don't think that my husband would respect me very much if I were the type of woman to cow-tow to his every whim.
And even though putting on a bit of makeup in the afternoon doesn't take much time, I do it for *me*. Nobody else.
I think that part of the 'fall of society' has much to do with an educational system that fails children, violence/sexuality in media, and yes... two parent households that are forced to work.
Then again, if our government implemented socialized health care, it would be much more affordable for one parent to stay at home with the children, and frankly, I don't care which gender that is. In fact, I look forward to returning to work while Jeff stays home and goes to school. Perhaps then, he'd see how difficult of a job that really is.