Hello God, it's me, Are you there?

I have seriously been questioning my beliefs a lot lately. I have lived for so long with questions and excuses. I have never stopped believing in God, just lost faith about God. I have doubted him. I have doubted his word. In a world like we live in today, I think everyone has once or twice, at least wondered. I really am starting to think we are in the end days. Even if it means we are at the very start of it, even if this is the time that makes him decide it's time to end us, I believe a huge thing is coming...sooner than later. I don't know if that means it will happen while I am alive, or even my kids, but I do think it will be within the next few generations. We have become bad. As a whole. Humans are degenerates. We are disgusting, nasty, disrespectful, self centered, ungrateful, mean, selfish, evil people. We no longer care who we hurt. We no longer know the true meaning of love. We no longer look out for one another. We no longer appreciate life. We take everything for granted. How could he allow it to go on and on? I am not educated in the verses of the Bible. I can not quote scripture. But I do seem to remember a city in the Bible that was full of sin and just nastiness. Didn't God smite that entire city? I believe I have that right. Now it's the entire world.

Anyway, like I said. I have been questioning everything I stand for. Everything I believe to be right and true. I wonder if it is not the Bible I disagree with, but man's interpretation of the Bible. I believe in God. I believe Jesus died to save me. I believe in Heaven and unfortunately Hell. I have been tormented and watched my children be tormented by a demon. How could I not believe in Hell? I have been saved more times than I can count, by something unseen, I believe it to be God.

I believe that I need to get back to church. I believe I need my kids to be in church. I think when work picks up for Johnnie, and we can afford the gas, I will start visiting churches for real.

The only thing I worry about, is where will we fit? I have this image of a "real" christian. I do not fit it. I am not soft spoken, I am not passive-aggressive. I like scary movies, heavy metal music. I laugh at dirty jokes. I am outspoken and opinionated. I am the one to have confrontation if it is called for. I am not what a typical "christian" looks and acts like. So, I don't know if I will fit into a church setting. But it's worth a shot I suppose. God knows my heart, that's all that matters, right?